Lesbian Pee Pants and Asked to Do It Again

How practise you have lesbian sex activity? We get asked this question all the time from lesbians of all ages who oasis't had lesbian sex and are worried they don't know "how." Well, mind: enjoying sex isn't well-nigh memorizing 16 positions or knowing the best bending to fuck from, enjoying lesbian sexual practice is one-half-animate being half-middle and only rarely has it got anything to do with your rational brain, or cognitive reasoning, or anything a person could tell you or anything you could read on the internet.

And while it'south true that one solar day you'll be more confident and experienced than you are now, it'south as well true that your body was built-in knowing how to take sex like information technology was born knowing how to eat. Your commencement time doesn't have to be a big deal, some of us don't fifty-fifty retrieve our first times. Alternately, if you desire it to exist a big deal, information technology can be. Merely ultimately every partner is different — totally, completely, entirely dissimilar — from the next. So what could nosotros tell y'all, really?

However — at the aforementioned time, many of united states of america recall a period of fourth dimension when lesbian sex felt like fumbling, or improv, trying to play a sport we didn't sympathise, like badminton. Or a sport everyone thought we should exist adept at but we weren't. Meanwhile, others recollect hopping into bed and instinctually knowing what to do from the moment of entry. Many of united states had sexual activity with boys in our teens and didn't bang a lady 'til our mid-to-late-twenties, and felt like rookies all over again. So we can empathize how you might feel a little better knowing a little something before you accept the plunge.

Women'southward sexuality, let alone queer sexuality, is commonly ignored by sex ed programs. And while many heteros learn about sex together in their early teens, many lesbians don't start that early on and/or aren't peer socialized into the sexual universe similar straights are, not to mention that our entire media culture is structured around and obsessed with heterosexual sex.

So we're gonna get dorsum to basics. Yet, as we write this post, we are slightly concerned that nosotros accept no fucking idea what nosotros're talking nearly. We promise to open a dialogue for commenters to share their own stories and experiences and for everyone to ask questions!

Disclaimer: This post (originally written in 2010 and largely unaltered from that time) focuses on lesbian sexual practice betwixt cisgender women, although is also largely applicable to sexual activity betwixt whatever two people with vulvas, and total of great communication for anybody having sexual activity with someone who has a vulva. The linguistic communication in this postal service, unlike the bulk of our sex content, reflects that largely for SEO purposes. However, trans women are women and well-nigh certainly take lesbian sex activity, and you lot tin can read some of our many tips on that in these posts: How To Take Lesbian Sex With A Trans Woman, F*cking Trans Women and Harnesses for Trans Women.

---

Pre-Game Your Lesbian Sex

+

Masturbate

If you have a vulva and you wanna know how to make a person with a vulva experience adept, you have the advantage of using yourself for a examination subject — not that what pleases you volition please your partner, but it's a showtime. Probably you and your showerhead have been aware of this since childhood, merely if you're new to masturbation or new to orgasming, hither'southward how to masturbate like a gnaw. While you're at it, here's how to buy a vibrator.

Existence an experienced masturbator will help you be a successful lover more than anything else you could ever do, e'er. Not only volition yous know how your partner tin please you lot, simply you'll have some idea of how to delight them.

Bonus:Touching yourself with your jeans and underwear on (you can unzip your jeans, only don't pull them down) might be very good practice for your date to Twilight Total Eclipse Of the Sun.

Note: When you lot're aroused, yous might experience warm or flushed. Your nipples will get cock, your clit and vulva volition swell due to increased blood supply. Inside your trunk, the top of the vagina will expand.

Also: Bank check out your insides. The outside of everybody'due south vulva is a brand new continent, merely the insides are reasonably similar to one another, then it'south a solid sneak preview if y'all have i.

Self-Reflection

If you've got one, look at your vadge in the mirror. I know yous're going to read this and think "OH MY GOD I WOULD NEVER" and not do it. Get over yourself. Stick a fucking mirror between your legs and check out your shit!

Sympathize Your Vaginal Situation, If Yous Have 1

Showtime things first: people often use the term "vagina" when talking almost the female genital region, which actually isn't correct. The right term for your external genital region is "vulva." The vagina is inside of you, connecting the vulva to the cervix. Here's a cracking article from Teen Vogue that gets into all the details about anatomy.

At present that you're sitting here with your mirror, let'southward get over the anatomy of a cisgender adult female's vulva.

Clitoris: Your clit is made up of the glans/head (the most sensitive function with 6,000-8,000 nervus endings), the hood (which drapes over the glans) and the shaft (which is on average 1.ix cm in length). Some clits are larger than others, and nearly all women can orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

Labia Majora: Them exist your "pussy lips." Then, the labia minora are the asymmetrical delicate folds of softy spongy erecticle tissue within the labia majora. Some labia minoras extend past the majoras and some are tucked away within. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras is the showtime place where you'll notice that every adult female'southward vagina looks different than another's.

Vagina: Your vaginal entrance is below your clit and urethral opening (aka where the pee comes out). Vaginal tissue is elastic, you may have heard that babies come up out of it and fists can go into it. Most of the nerve endings are in the outer tertiary of the vagina (in other words: don't worry about having pocket-size hands, it'due south nbd).

so many different vulvas featured in this vagina art by jamie mccatney

1000-Spot: Put a finger in your vagina. Now make a "come hither" motion towards the forepart wall of your vagina. Do you feel that spot with a texture dissimilar everything else'southward texture? It'south a sponge about the size of a bean that fills with blood during arousal, direct in front of your uterus. Some women discover thousand-spot stimulation too intense, some hate it, some like it, some tin can orgasm from it, and some tin can female ejaculate from it.

Perineum : The apartment area between the pudendal crevice and the anus. Some women find this area sexually sensitive. Slangily referred to every bit "the taint" 'cause it own't the genitals and it own't the asshole.

Grooming for Lesbian Sexual activity

Hair: Yous can practice literally anything you want with your pilus, although removing it entirely makes you vulnerable to infections and it can be very itchy! Here's some statistics on your hair removal habits.

Pointers if you are gonna remove some pilus:

• If y'all have the coin and the time, laser hair removal is the all-time way to go rid of your pilus in that area for the long-term. Information technology's generally said that laser pilus removal works better on lighter skin tones, but luckily that is irresolute.
• For most of us, waxing is the best/cheapest fashion to "make clean up" without ingrowns. Depending on your skin tone and sensitivity, waxing may turn your peel a lovely shade of scarlet for a day, so schedule appropriately. We highly recommend getting it washed by a professional, but if you wanna DIY, Emerge Hansen'due south are cheap and easy for beginners and so is this kit from Flamingo.
• If you lot're shaving, you could get mad serious razor fire which sometimes looks like a lot of cherry bumps all around your surface area. Bikini Zone will help you with this.
• If you shave a solar day or 2 earlier hooking up, anyone who goes down on you volition experience similar they are sticking their face into a sail of sandpaper.

Hands:Make sure your nails are as brusk as possible and smoothly filed. If you practise have long nails or acrylics, here'south how to have sex safely without sacrificing them. Keeping your hands mega-actress-super-duper-clean is cardinal. Play it extra-safe by employing some handy latex or nitrile gloves.

Vadge: You guys, your vagina smells perfect just the way information technology is! Do non douche or otherwise attempt to infuse your vagina with fields of marigolds. It will have a stronger smell if you lot haven't showered or have gotten actually sweaty, and that's fine. (Sidenote: the lingering odour of her on your fingertips = magic). However, if your vagina smells so pungently fishy that your partner can odor it in your pants from across the room, you might have BV and should get encounter a gynecologist.

---

Doing The Lesbian Sexual practice

To be honest, we kinda don't want you to read this. We want you to take to figure it out for yourself, like we did! Y'all guys, information technology's and so fun and you lot become to be naked or half-naked with some other lady! Correct?! Sex volition be the best when y'all end thinking and allow your torso remember for y'all!

There are likewise at least ane,000 sex tips nosotros could give you for the rest of your sex activity life, simply today we're gonna stay very simple and vanilla.

Communicate

Just 'crusade y'all're both ladies doesn't hateful what feels good to you volition experience expert to her. Both of you tin can signal what'due south working and what isn't through words, noises, or physical response. Don't be embarrassed to ask questions or volunteer what you lot like. It's like the Hot/Cold game, just naked and more slippery! Saying "what do you like" is totally a matter we do. So is laughing. Nosotros recommend lots of laughing.

Lesbian Sexual practice Foreplay

At that place are a lot of things happening in the torso region for both of you lot to explore, like BREASTS and ears, and playing with those torso parts is fun AND a good manner to become lubed upward before whatever kind of direct vaginal contact occurs (if that's what you want). Some people tin can orgasm from stimulation of other body parts besides the vadge, too. (If it'due south your or your partner's get-go fourth dimension being penetrated, don't go for the Frankie-mode jackhammer fuck within v minutes of your starting time tongue kiss, ease into that shit!)

Manual Clitoral Stimulation

This is a adept place to brainstorm. Fairly self-explanatory. Over again, some people volition want your hand to become a vibrator and some will merely desire to be touched with extreme effeminateness. Notice out by asking!

Oral Sex

Oral sex is so awesome that it about feels like cheating. Like were mouths made to become at that place, or is that something humanity figured out on its own? Per always, err on the side of sensitive. This will either be "teasing" or "how she likes it," depending on the lady. This can also be paired with fucking/g-spot stimulation, but we're starting simple today, so, over again, savor yourself. Sometimes if y'all have body image issues, being eaten out can brand y'all feel really exposed. So shut your eyes, everything is okay. And don't forget to practice safer sexual activity with dental dams.

Fucking

When in doubt, first dull/soft/fragile and build up to equally fast/hard every bit she wants it. Brand certain she'south wet before attempting penetration — lube is a great way to do this. Then:

+ Showtime with your alphabetize finger in just a little chip, and then all the way in so bring in a second finger if she wants. (Then a third if she wants, etc etc) Don't become besides fast, requite her time to respond.

+ Pay attending to where your other fingers are! If you've got your index/centre fingers inside her, is your thumbnail digging into her inner thigh? Check your shit.

+ Some women don't want to exist penetrated for diverse reasons, including discomfort, gender identity or gender expression, and/or a preference for a detail sexual role (as in "I fuck you, you don't fuck me.") If that's y'all and your partner gets in that area, politely movement her mitt and tell her where you do want to be touched (or that y'all'd rather touch her).

Frottage

Now, sticking your mitt down her pants and up her canal might be your showtime instinct, or perhaps information technology'south what you've seen onThe L Give-and-take, but that is just one of many magical means girls fuck other girls. You will discover 365 means to basically dry hump (you can keep your underwear on for this, it can exist easier, but please do accept off your shirt, because that'southward more than fun). You can basically rub upwardly on any office of her trunk or rub vadge-to-vadge pretty much for the rest of your life.

More Resources For Great Lesbian Sexual practice:

• This is Literally How We Do It: Lesbian Sex Positions 101
• Lesbian Sex 101
• All About Tops, Bottoms and Switches

---

The More You Know

• DO NOT DO Non compare trunk parts. Compliments are great! Simply resist the urge to add an assessment of your own parts onto your compliment regarding her parts. 'Your [part] is so much more than [way of being] than mine! Waaah.' = NO.
• If you're dealing with not-gender-conforming folks then information technology's best to ask before hooking upward what'southward okay and what isn't. Aforementioned for dealing with gender conforming folks!
• You have a correct to feel safe and comfortable, which means that consent is key and and so is safer sexual activity — please become a check-up and talk to your partner about any STIs you or she may have before jumping into bed.
• Whether you're 16 or 36, you're Non "Behind." Because of the patriarchy, information technology'll accept you most 15 seconds to discover data regarding the average age at which heterosexual women and men lose their V-Cards (16-17), simply no such research exists for lesbians as far every bit we can tell. And then we've washed a coincidental survey of Team Autostraddle, which is a poor sample population because we're all under 35 and obviously "out" enough to be on Team Autostraddle so, nosotros imagine, probably more sexually experienced than the average lesbian bear. Regardless, by historic period and year of "virginity loss":

Amidst our totally non-representative sample size of queer women, the average historic period for "our first fourth dimension" is 19.4.

Relevant Lists

Body Parts that could be erogenous OR no-fly zones:

+ ears
+ neck
+ nipples
+ inner thighs
+ feet
+ hands
+ ass
+ small-scale of the back

Some People Do and Some People Don't:

+ want to be penetrated
+ orgasm from penetration
+ ejaculate
+ incorporate sex toys into sexual activity
+ savor g-spot stimulation
+ crave manual clitorial stimulation to orgasm
+ prefer clitorial stimulation AND vaginal penetration to orgasm
+ bask anal penetration or butt plugs or eating ass
+ apply strap-ons
+ orgasm at all
+ identify as "stone"
+ daydream during sexual practice
+ identify as either a "lesser" or a "acme"
+ identify as either "butch" or "femme"
+ want to be naked during sex
+ desire the lights on during sexual practice
+ similar it crude
+ accept an STI
+ wanna scissor

Things That Could Happen Your Kickoff Time And Are Totally Fine:

+ Ejaculating and literally soaking your unabridged bed (it's not urine, we promise) (also, it'southward awesome)
+ Farting or queefing
+ Accidentally cutting/lacerating the vagina (this happens to old pros, too) (ahem)
+ Not orgasming
+ Not being wet
+ Getting injured
+ Tensing up while pentrated
+ Bleeding
+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage
+ Postal service-sex activity UTIs or yeast infections
+ Taking 30+ minutes to orgasm
+ Your arm getting tired
+ Crying
+ Laughing
+ Feelings
+ No feelings
+ Not feeling like the whole world changed
+ Feeling like the whole earth changed
+ Feeling like yous're on a whole new level of intimacy with your partner
+ Non enjoying it

Try not to be likewise goal-oriented. Lots of people don't come the first fourth dimension — many people don't come regularly during sex at all! If neither of y'all do, there'south gonna be a moment when you lot feel like you lot're done anyhow, similar the encounter is over, and that might feel weird, but it's non weird, information technology happens. Finish when you'd stop any physically tiring activity — when you don't feel similar it anymore. Just laugh and maybe stay naked and kiss and talk. Caress! Lesbians love to cuddle. Or ask her to prove you lot how she gets herself off and vice versa — mutual masturbation is a good backup plan for when you both want to come but can't seem to go it this time. Plus information technology's hot to lookout and come across what she does to herself!

the afterglow

---

Resources

Books:

+ The Lesbian Sex Bible: More than techniques and advice for lesbian, bisexual and queer women that approaches the topic with sense of humor and irreverence.

+ Susie Sexpert's Lesbian Sex Earth: The cover of this book is so weird and 90s, but you tin can download information technology for $2.99 from Amazon and it'due south — it's just FUN. It's super sex activity-positive and deserves to become a cult archetype of the lesbian volume world starting now.

+The Whole Lesbian Sex Volume: A Passionate Guide for All of U.s.a., past Felice Newman: The classic. Buy it, learn it, live it, love information technology.

+Lesbian Sex: 101 Lovemaking Positions: I bet you don't know anything virtually the Joyride, Tongue and Groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, Daughter Wrap or Velvet Rope, do ya? Well yous could change that.

+Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation: From sexual activity blogger and masturbation expert Jayme Waxman.

+ Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era: Get in impact with your womynhood.

+The New Lesbian Sex Book, 3rd Edition: Interviews with REAL LIVE LESBIANS about their sexual practice lives, has the touch on of reminding yous that there's a lot of lesbians out at that place having sex and it's not just yous and your partner(s) in your teeny tiny village past the sea.

+Healing Sex: A Heed-Body Arroyo to Healing Sexual Trauma: "The start encouraging, sexual practice-positive guide for all women survivors of sexual assault — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and single — who desire to reclaim their sexual activity lives."

Websites:

+Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross: "Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational sex positive feminists whose dialogue on sexuality and feminism entertains and educates while delving into the Politics of Women's Sexuality." Includes a library of "how-to" videos for various sexual acts, including "first-time lesbian sex."

+ The-Clitoris Dot Com: "Everything y'all ever wanted to know about the clitoris and female sexuality."

+ Sexuality.org: Comprehensive online library of sexuality resources from the Society for Human Sexuality.

Oh and:

+ Dental Dams and Latex or Nitrile Gloves and Lubricant

Okay, fourth dimension to yell/inquire/share in the comments! Get have fun, you crazy beavers!

pellerinhaded1983.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.autostraddle.com/how-to-have-lesbian-sex-for-the-first-time/

Share this post